Perfectionism and the Fear of Failure
I’m a perfectionist. Whether it’s a 5th grade science project or a million dollar rocket to mars, you’ll find me putting my 100% into anything. Much to my disappointment, this isn’t something that’s always a positive.
Being a perfectionist means there is absolutely no space for failure. You fail, you lose. That’s the philosophy constantly on replay in my mind.
It feels like you are confined to a floating yacht that’s adrift someway away, and the only way to get to shore is never to let your yacht sink. So you keep the engines running and sail through the waters — no matter how damning they may seem.
This survival instinct tied to perfection might seem like a good thing. At first glance it almost always does. But, nobody will tell you just how much that ride will drain you. Just how much trying to keep your boat afloat will take out of you. And most importantly, how if you were to let your boat sink, you might get lost at sea for a while, but - you won’t drown.
That’s the myth behind this ideal of perfectionism. The idea is that if you don’t go above and beyond your abilities, you WILL fail, and if you DO end up failing, you WON’T be able to recover from it.
So there I was, on my yacht, sailing through the waters. Every time the tide felt too high, i’d adjust my gears, check my engines and makesure everything was running smoothly. Everytime I saw a storm cloud in the distance, i’d prepare myself. I was never willing to even consider the idea of sinking. Never willing to let my boat find it’s way down to the ocean bed. Never willing to find out whether or not i’d actually drown.
And then, one day, I just didn’t have the energy anymore.
The yacht was fine, but I wasn’t.
My engines were tired. Tired of the constant turmoil i’d put myself through. The constant hours spent checking the engines. Riding the waves. Staying afloat.
So, I stopped.
I stopped trying to make sure everything in my yacht was always in working order. Stopped putting pressure on myself to always ensure that nothing could ever go wrong. Stopped holding onto the idea that staying afloat in the best condition was the only way I could sail my yacht.
I thought it was over. The yacht would sink. I would drown. It would all be over for me.
But to my surprise, it wasn’t.
The yacht still stayed afloat. And when I did fall off it that one time, the waters welcomed me with open arms. I arose from them with more wisdom and understanding of myself than all those years spent afloat trying to keep things perfect.
My point is, the one time I tried less and focused more on being kinder to myself over the idea of perfection, I learnt alot about myself. I learnt that I was never the type to drown, even if i fell overboard. My yacht couldn’t be sunk, even if it wasn’t in the perfect condition. The yacht would go on, and Life would go on with it.
There’s 2 things I want you to takeaway from this story.
- Just because it isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean it isn’t good enough.
Just like how the yacht didn’t have to be in tip-top condition to stay afloat, nothing requires perfection to be good enough to get you through. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to the best of your ability, but you should know when you have put in all your effort, and be happy with the outcome. Be happy with what you are capable of without overworking yourself, or overthinking it. Trust in the fact that your yacht, your 5th grade project, your work presentation is good enough — once you’ve done your best. Once you’ve put in all you CAN. Else, you’ll never stop until you’ve tired yourself out and you’ll never be content.
2. Even if you do fail, it’s not the end.
You’re scared to fall overboard, I get it. But you don’t have to be. You think you might end up drowning, but I’m here to assure you that you won’t. You’ll learn, you’ll evolve and you’ll grow. Your failures don’t define you. What you do with the knowledge you have once you’ve completed your journey, thunderstorms and minor drownings included, do. So remind yourself that though failures may come, it won’t be your end. It will just be another lesson learnt on the high seas, and you’ll keep on sailing.
